It was 8th session of my Bharatnatyam class & I was 10 years old. For the last 3 years I’d been trying various activities like playing a piano, UCMAS & karate but was never able to stay through the whole journey & I wasn’t sure I could last this one as well. But a conversation changed it all.
That was the 1st day when Guruji came to see how we newbies were catching up with what her protégé, Kazumi Di, had been teaching us, which included learning new poses by keeping straight & steady hands & maintaining the leg postures for minutes long. Through days I realized that this is not just a dance but it is a process which would help me establish my focus, control & strengthen me physically & mentally, & to use my sense of sight& hearing.
We had just started our warm up exercises, when we were informed that Guruji wanted to see us. We went in & saw that Kazumi Di was sitting down with THATTU MANAI & Guruji was sitting up on a chair with a warm welcoming smile on her face, which instantly made the environment & all of us fell lighter. Di arranged us all on the dance floor. I was the tallest amongst my fellow mates & thus usually stood at the back. Due to this fact I was less anxious than the others, but it soon changed when I was placed upfront. We were positioned such that each one of us could be seen clearly, but that did nothing to abate my confusion & nervousness. I braved a look at Guruji & saw that her brow was pinched in confusion as well. When di was done arranging us, she turned to go back to her seat & saw the look on Guruji’s face, & told us to finish our warm up exercise, at our assigned positions. After a few minutes, Guruji swiftly leaned towards di & asked her in almost inaudible whisper,
“Why did you put the tallest girl in the front?”
To which di replied,
“She is the tallest one amongst all & has more difficulty in maintaining her posture for longer time, so I need to keep an eye on her.”
Hearing this made my sight become blur with hot tears.
At that moment I recalled why I had only been able to attend my previous activities for no more than a week. It was nearly a given that kids who are slow at learning are meant to be degraded, scolded, or punished in front of the others to watch.
I got lost in my thoughts and failed to notice that everyone had finished their warm up and were waiting for me. I felt a quick sense of relief on realising that no one other than me had heard their conversation. This realisation helped me to keep my tears at the bay & resolute my will to keep the past in the PAST & prove myself to MYSELF TODAY.
We learned some new ADAVUS after performing the older ones. Throughout the dance I refused myself to stray my focus & performed with as much grace in my posture as I could muster.
When the practice ended & we were allowed to leave, I went to collect my bag from the table lying at the back corner when I again heard them. They were oblivious to my presence & so their voice was more audible this time, when Guruji said,
“What you said about her is clearly the opposite to what I saw. It takes more focus to maintain the ARAMANDI position with such elegance as she did. How can you not see that? ”
To which di replied,
“All I said was that ‘she faces more difficulty in maintaining her posture’ & not that she is incapable. She was holding herself back as if she was scared of something & so I placed her upfront today. I knew she would be anxious & that she heard our conversation. But instead of giving into self-loathing or fear, this time she stood for herself which eventually made her your focal point.”
On my way back home, I tried to comprehend her words & conceived that may be in the past I never understood what those scolding by my mentors was meant for.
This, for me, is ‘THE’ DEFINED MOMENT when I registered that I am the sole producer & manufacturer of my MOTIVATION & eventually SUCCESS.
Image(s) Source: Google
-Bansari Dalal
Comments
Post a Comment